OTTOTD 10/15: A Letter from Andrew Friedman to BlueSeatLyfe

As Andrew Friedman departs the Tampa Bay Rays, he took a moment to send up the following letter:

As home to the smartest, wittiest, and best-looking baseball fans on the internet (as well as Sandy Kazmir), BlueSeatLyfe seemed like the perfect place to pen my thoughts as I depart the Rays organization and start something special in Los Angeles.

I’m so proud of the work we’ve done in Tampa Bay that it’s hard to know where to start. All you have to do is throw a dart in the clubhouse and you’ll hit somebody we drafted since 2007, provided you aimed at the dart at one of exactly four of our 40-man roster (Matt Moore, Kevin Kiermaier, C.J. Riefenhauser, and Tim Beckham… you know, all the household names). Restaurants around the Tampa area owe me a debt of gratitude for keeping Jose Molina around. And think of how many young ladies would’ve gone un-slept-with had I not brought Pat Burrell in. Like Matt Silverman jokingly said to me when he heard I was going to LA: “Well, at least now when you don’t sign a DH it won’t matter!” He’s such a jokester! Everybody tries to claim credit for this one, but let it be known that I, Andrew Friedman, was the one who came up with the idea of trading for known rapist Josh Lueke and continuing to employ him. I feel like I’ve left this organization in a position the other 29 teams envy: Stuck paying Grant Balfour for another season.  My only regret is that we fell short of our goal in 2014 and couldn’t quite get another Wildcard round loss.

They say that you should go out doing what you love, so before I go, I need to trade away some catchers to the AL West for nothing in return. But don’t worry, Rays fans, the future is bright: I fully expect all of your 0 top-50 prospects to be contributing soon!

Yours in Christ,

Andrew Friedman

(This letter possibly not written by Andrew Friedman)